The Bucket List

Middle-aged people often make lists of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket". I suppose young and old people do the same thing. I've made that kind of list myself, in the past. Now I'm realizing that making such a list might be depressing. In fact, I'm resisting the temptation just in case I get discouraged by all the things I think I'd like to do and realize I don't have the time, energy, money (or any combination of the three) to accomplish.

So my question is this--will I be able to do those things in heaven? Will I get to learn new languages? Will I be able to take viola and guitar lessons? Are there airplanes to learn how to fly, horses to ride, whitewater rapids to navigate, new countries to explore? I hope so. But, if not, will it matter to me then?

Sleepless Nights

When I was a (much) younger mom I had my share of nights of interrupted sleep. 2 a.m. feedings were always my responsibility--did I really do close to 2000 of those? I don't remember much about them except that I often brought a warm, hungry baby to bed with me at those times. I didn't resent babies who needed to be fed. I don't remember children keeping me up at night, so I rarely felt tired in the morning. I slept well when I slept, and was able to fall asleep quickly after being awakened.

Now I am experiencing the sleepless nights I thought I had bypassed. If I nap in the afternoon I have trouble falling asleep at night (think "impossible"). If I drink any caffeine, I suffer with sleeplessness. I find my mind racing when I go to bed. I may have a Latin chant circling in there, or the design of a home that needs to be measured and rendered. Scripts and songs and lesson plans, lists of things to do, all compete for my attention like no child ever did at night. This is a new experience for me, one I do not particularly like. I don't mind entertaining some of these thoughts, but I would prefer sleeping.

I think I need to apply the advice of Chaplain Cunningham's wise wife, Marjorie. She told me that if I had difficulty falling asleep at night while Pop was away I should pray. Either the sleeplessness was from Satan--his effort to make me a cranky mother in the morning--or it was from God--who had someone for whom He wanted me to be praying. In either case, the answer was to pray. Satan would rather let me sleep than pray, so he would leave me alone. God would give me the rest I needed and the grace to carry on the following day.